Posts by Jessica Rivera

There’s a big misconception about what self-care is. The truth is that getting a facial or painting your nails is the furthest form of self-care. Although there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself by having pretty nails or great skin… it really is skin-deep. We can’t nurture and care for our minds, our human spirit, and the core of our being by treating only the surface.

The truest form of self-care is genuinely taking care of your deepest needs. We must look profoundly within ourselves to identify and manage what no longer serves us. To let go of the thoughts, habits, and choices that keep us down. Take a moment and determine for yourself if redefining self-care in your life would be wise.

Here are five ways to redefine self-care:

1. Learning how to be fully relaxed. Life these days is very busy, rushed, and at times chaotic. There’s so much to do and so little time. Being so busy can lead to physical tension that becomes physically disruptive. So many people suffer from headaches, shoulder and neck tension, tightening of the jaw, wringing of the hands, jitteriness, anxiety, etc. We live in a society where real relaxation is hard to access. When was the last you felt mentally, emotionally, and physically relaxed? Some might say the last time they went on vacation. The issue with that is we need to be able to relax nearby or at home. The quickest way is to change your environment and enjoy the warm sun, cold breeze, or the shade under a tree.  Other ways to relax might include taking a bath, enjoying your hammock, meditating, hiking to enjoy the view, or watching the waves reflect the sunset. Our environment is a quick way to tap into moments of peace for relaxation. The goal of accessing relaxation is to manage your thoughts and naturally ease into peace. We start with taking a few minutes to relax and make this a daily practice.

2. Learning to pause is a powerful skill. Naturally, we are wired to feel the urge to accomplish tasks or meet deadlines. Many are under pressure because of work, school, bills, children, etc. We have become a society of go-go-go. People have become so overwhelmed and frazzled. A moment of pause, which could be minutes to hours, is meant for you to reset your nervous system. To reassess how you are going about doing something. If you are overwhelmed because you are running late, your mood changes, you rush, and then, before you know it, you trip and fall. For others, it might be that you won’t meet a deadline, and rushing is causing you to make more mistakes. Briefly gather your thoughts, give yourself a pep talk, regulate your breath, and return to what you need to do. Someone once said people take life too seriously, making simple moments complicated. Taking a moment to pause is a reminder to keep it simple.
3. Take the time to process emotions. Create enough awareness to know how you are feeling throughout the day. Let me explain what this would look like: you’re driving, and someone cuts in front of you, causing you to slam on your breaks. You’ve become startled or angry, and now you are visibly and physically upset. This would be the perfect time to talk to yourself and label your feelings. Is it worth the reaction it creates? After a few moments of exploring, be mindful and acknowledge that the moment has passed. You are okay, and you will continue to drive safely. We must remember that we experience many emotions in one day and sometimes in one minute. We constantly feel, and most of the time, we don’t acknowledge how we feel. Unprocessed emotions accumulate. Emotions are meant to be felt and expressed. At the end of the day, take 5-10 minutes to reflect on the emotions felt, thoughts, or moments that stand out to you.
4. Setting boundaries within yourself. Think about how rampant the mind can be when too much is happening. Thoughts are going a million miles a minute. If one is not intentional, there are no limits or guardrails to keep thoughts and emotions under control. By nature, most people experience some level of anxiety, which can range from mild worry to physical extremes such as panic attacks. Thoughts may spiral out of control. This is why setting mental boundaries within yourself is essential. Mental limits must be created to manage and limit the time spent on emotionally draining or challenging thoughts. The first step is to learn to interrupt unhealthy thoughts by becoming self-aware and choosing to distract yourself. Distraction is the early method of intervention. Ideally, distract yourself with something brief enough to stop unwanted thoughts and then return to what you must do.
5. The ultimate act of self-care is self-love. To love yourself unconditionally, imperfect yet perfect. To love ourselves, we will nurture healthy choices and thoughts. Even on a bad day, we can take a moment and appreciate the endurance, tolerance, and strength needed to accomplish all we do. Self-care is saying no when something does not align with you—choosing yes when the whisper of your intuition keeps saying yes. Self-care is learning to set boundaries within and then ultimately with others. Learning to love ourselves one step at a time would be a great benefit. Sometimes it starts on the outside, and sometimes it starts on the inside. The first step is to intentionally cultivate your mind, relationships, and life that aligns with you and for you. This means having compassion for yourself just as when you have compassion for others. This is kindness gone full circle.

These are not your typical self-care practices, but they are very much at the core of what it is to express caring for yourself. Most people want to be the best version of themselves, and knowing how to begin can be confusing when half of the information on the internet suggests getting a pedicure, a massage, cleaning, or listening to a podcast as a catalyst of change. Yes, physical self-care is essential in many ways, but it is limiting to profound and meaningful change that can positively change your life for the long haul.